Regrets can be one of the hardest things to overcome because they keep you focused on “What If” scenarios rather than reality. (This presupposes of course that the “What If” is better than your reality.)

In order to break out of regret, here’s what I generally have people do:

1. Analyze the incident that you keep thinking about. Write down in detail everything that you feel was good about that opportunity, and also all the reasons why you chose not to take it (be honest – that column should not be blank.)

2. Think about your life as it is now: what is it really like, and try to picture what it would be if you had taken the other thing (realistically – not “I’ll be president and landed on the moon by now” type of stuff.)

3. Now – look and see what the differences are that you’d want to have in your life, and which ones you wouldn’t.

Is it the thing itself, or what that thing could give (or have given) you that is causing your current feelings?

If it’s the “things”, try to picture what your life would be like in a year if you made some changes in just those areas.

If you can see a happier, regret-less you that way, then focus on future you instead of the past action, and then start finding a way to make that future become a reality.

Perhaps it is finding a different job that pays a little more money, or one that gives you the ability to grow in responsibility, or travel – whatever it is, focusing on the future is the way to dig you out of the past, and only you can determine what is holding you there.

Regret is a choice you make. In order to stop feeling it, no matter how much you may want to, you need to choose to.

I’m not saying this is an easy thing to do, by any means, but it does start with choice.

During a car trip, two friends get stuck in a traffic jam.

One starts looking around at all of the things that she now has the opportunity to see in more detail. She notices Art Deco buildings, some interesting cars, and some beautiful acts of humanity (among other things.)

The other starts complaining about how much traffic sucks and the world is personally against him.

They each made choices immediately on how to act and perceive. He will regret the time spent in the car, saying it was wasted, and she will not.

The key to no regret is to shift your perception of events.

Notice the learnings and takeaways – good and bad – that enabled you to grow as a person.

Ask yourself if the choice you made then was still the same one you would have made at the time, with the same information you had at the time. Anything else is irrelevant – because you didn’t have another option presented to you.